Saturday, May 27, 2006

the burden weighs heavily

I have been asleep. My journey started well, but has slowed considerably and I feel that I must catch up. I understand that I have time, my own time is plenty but I do not want others to suffer for my idleness.

Whilst asleep I dreamt:-

A room, perhaps an outhouse. Inside it, an oven, if present time, I would guess a pizza oven or similar. On the ground, large slate like tiles. Under one tile, a cavern and inside it I am gently placing dead bodies. Strangely, they look comfortable and I wonder if one is actually dead as it appears to snuggle up to the body next to it.

Now awake, from day to day and with time to ponder my dreams. I sit, daily, religiously, dogeddly on my couch at home, methodically emptying the boxes which store my mothers belongings. 62 years worth of belongings. Not enough, but way too many. As each box is emptied, I place it in the underground cavern. Not to be forgotten, ever, but to rest in peace at last.

Last week, my husband and I emptied the last of the boxes from a storage unit. Struggling with the extra financial burden, we have sacrificed our spare room for now, and so I sit, emptying, sorting, throwing, filing, thinking, remembering. All in the hope of shrugging the burden. For now though, the burden feels way to heavy. Each day goes by and I can feel it ever so slightly lifting. I know why my journey has slowed and ask my fellow travellers to go on without me... but I will follow in my own time.

Sarah, I won't be able to make it to the performance in time for your wedding on the 31st but know that my heart will be with you on that day as I drink a toast to us both, to you for the most wonderful day of your life and to me for my 34th birthday! Best wishes.



At 5:33 AM, Blogger Heather Blakey said...

I am sorry that this burden is weighing upon you so heavily. Take all the time you need. This is not a journey you have to rush. We will be here when you are ready Samm. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best for your 34th birthday.

At 8:22 AM, Blogger Imogen Crest said...

All the best for your birthday, Samm!

At 3:54 PM, Blogger sararichards said...

Thank you for the good wishes Samm and happy birthday to you on the same day.

Hoping to meet you further along the road. I know how hard sorting things and memories are. Please feel free to talk to me about these things if you would like to.


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